I Learned to Love Myself After Gaining Weight

Your self-esteem should never hinge on the number on a scale—period! Yet, society loves to make women feel like they need to lose a few pounds or fit into some ideal weight. Forget that noise! I’ve been there and I gained weight, my body changed, and you know what? I chose to ignore those ridiculous expectations and embrace how I look. I loved my curves and how I felt sexy and strong rather than breakable. Your worth isn’t defined by your weight, and neither is your happiness. You need to simply own your size, no matter what it is, and love yourself just as you are!

How Did I Feel?

I felt hopeless and discouraged. But then I thought, was it worth it to self-shame too? My body changed after marriage and the baby, but inside, I was the same fun-loving and jolly person. I decided not to brood anymore about how I look. Instead, I focused more on accepting myself and finding happiness in who I am.

It marked the start of a profound journey—a quest to accept the extra pounds and celebrate them. This is how I learned to silence the inner critic and embrace every curve and contour of my changing body with love and respect.

It Started with Negative Self-Talk

The journey began in a department store fitting room, where I struggled with jeans that no longer fit. I had been wearing the same size for years, and now this looked like it was meant for someone ten years younger than me. The more I struggled, the more miserable I felt. As I faced my reflection, my inner critic unleashed a barrage of negativity. I left the shop with a heavy burden on my shoulders.

Recognizing Negativity

How fat have I grown? Did I have to let go of myself so much that I now have to start buying plus-size outfits? That’s when I first recognized the negativity of my self-talk. I knew I had to do something, or this guilt would deplete my confidence for life. Awareness of negative self-talk was the first step towards my long and tortuous healing journey.

From Criticism to Kindness

From then on, I started countering every negative thought with a positive affirmation, slowly changing the narrative from criticism to kindness. I started focusing more on what I could do – focus more on my abilities. I knew I had to be kind to myself if I had to come out of this situation happily. Whenever the negative self-talk arrived, I would pretend I was giving suggestions to a friend, which often made me way more tolerant towards myself.

Choosing Fitness

I had healthy arms and legs, so I signed up for Yoga. In these sessions, I learned the value of strength and flexibility over aesthetics. Each pose I mastered taught me to appreciate what my body could do. I started loving my body again, which instilled a sense of pride.

The yoga practice improved my physical strength, brought mental clarity, and increased my emotional resilience, reminding me daily of my body’s capabilities and resilience.

Adding More Activities in My Life

Honestly, I didn’t lose much weight even after Yoga sessions. I still weighed over 190 pounds. But I did start feeling good about my body at this time. My mental health was finally improving, and I could see the negative self-talk decreasing day after day. I decided not to focus on weight anymore and started fitting hobbies that could fit into my routine.

Shifting Focus to Fun Activities

I signed up for dancing lessons for fun. It allowed me to enjoy the freedom and rhythm of movement, making me feel alive and grateful for my body’s capabilities. Whether it was a structured class or a spontaneous dance in my living room, moving to music became a celebration of my body’s movement, not its size. This physical expression of joy helped to break down the walls of self-critique further and opened a space for self-celebration.

The Food I Loved

The initial couple of months focused on exercising, signing up for hobbies that might have helped shed some weight, and eating the right food. To tell you the truth, I got tired of it. Why? I started loving my body in its current state. I no longer longed for a slim figure. This was another decisive moment in my life. I was not ready to give up on my favorite pasta and ice cream sundaes.

Choosing Happiness Over Weight

What’s so bad about eating what I love if it’s not harming my body? Of course, I did not plan on eating like an ogre. It was just about eating what I love but in slight moderation. This helped me balance my favorite grub and my love for my body. I learned that moderation is key. I would still enjoy a nice glass of Prosecco every now and then, yet I tried to keep the majority of my meals healthy.

Enjoying Making Fun of Myself

Guess what – I was still fat, and people still stared when I went to the stores. But this did not bother me anymore as I accepted who I was. When with family or friends, I wouldn’t wait for anyone to pass comments about my weight. Rather, I became the first one whenever the situation arose.

I was surprised that people loved me more when I was cool, making fun of my round body. I guess it wasn’t as big a deal as I used to think. So what if you are fat?

Investing in Mental Well-being

I delved into books and podcasts about self-love and body positivity, absorbing stories and advice that resonated with my experiences. Learning about other women’s experiences helped me feel part of a group and encouraged me in my healing journey. Embracing meditation helped clear my mind and focus on gratitude, reinforcing a state of calm and acceptance within myself.

Practicing Gratitude

Reflecting on my daily experiences, acknowledging small victories, and practicing gratitude solidified my new, healthier mindset. Self-care and self-love taught me to appreciate the present moment and recognize my continuous progress toward a more self-compassionate life.

To anyone facing challenges with body image, a number on a scale does not define you. Your body deserves care and respect. Embrace your journey to self-love—it may be fraught with challenges, but it is incredibly rewarding.

Stop Following Beauty Standards

Another important realization was that beauty standards are not fixed. Have you ever looked at a picture of Marylin Monroe in her prime? Paradoxically, she would be considered way too curvy to work as a model for most fashion magazines and brands nowadays. This is why it makes no sense to feel bad whenever your body doesn’t reflect the current beauty standards. Chances are that in a different country, plenty of women would be jealous of your body.

Focusing On How I Feel Rather Than How I Look

My life also drastically changed when I started to focus on why I feel rather than how my body looks in the mirror. While weight is often a good indicator of health, this is not always the case. Rather than asking myself, ‘How do I look?’ I started to wonder, ‘Do I feel strong?’ ‘Can I do all the activities I love?’ ‘Do I feel healthy?’ ‘Am I rested today? And what can I do about it?’

More Than A Number

It’s important to always remember that we are much more than just a number. Putting on a few pounds doesn’t mean we are now completely unhealthy. In fact, we may have grown our muscles! Our health is not only based on our weight but also on our endurance, strength, and much more. If you are concerned about this, see an expert and check whether there is anything you can do to improve your health.

Ignore Social Media

Social media constantly bombards us with images of “perfect” bodies, making it easy to feel like we need to look a certain way to be accepted. These unrealistic beauty standards are often filtered, edited, or unattainable, yet they can leave us doubting our worth. After I gained weight, I felt self-conscious every time I went on social media and compared my look to those influencers on my screen. The best thing to do is put the phone down, stop comparing yourself to others, and embrace who you are, flaws and all! Real beauty is diverse, unique, and unfiltered!